So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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