Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
