This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
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im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
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Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?