fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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