Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
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A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
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took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.