i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!