You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
then he tried to convert me to islam
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
I hate when you're right.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.