I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.