the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
