Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
