he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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