Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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