he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
