Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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