Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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