Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
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I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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