I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
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my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
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You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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