i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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