I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize