i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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