Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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