At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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