apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
