vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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