if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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