im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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