I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
