Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
