Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I could fuck to npr.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
