I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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