it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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