Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
