so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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