ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
