Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
