Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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