I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
he high fived his dick after we had sex
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
