it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
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