oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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