Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
