There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
