That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
