I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
