Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
this hospital has no fireball
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
