I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
