I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
