Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
