got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
