Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
