Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize