I'm pants shitting drunk right now
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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