I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
