wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
