Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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