Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
