it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
