i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
