So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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