On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
