I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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