I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
