When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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