she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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