she was so not down for the gang bang
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
