a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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