I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
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instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
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I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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