"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
