he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
