Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
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she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
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Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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